What to Do When the Wedding Party Is Behaving Badly

Hola Brides and Grooms!

 I’d like to dedicate this blog to a very special bride of mine who has a nightmare of a wedding party.  Usually, it’s the bridesmaids who are holy terrors and have to be bitch-slapped into shape.  This time, the groomsmen are the ones behaving like a bunch of bratty girls.

 No, I’m not exaggerating.  These guys really take the cake.  It seems one of them found some obsolete political document online from when we were battling to kick the Navy off Vieques.  In short, it says the island is contaminated and we all glow.  NOT!  Rather than addressing his concerns to the bride and groom, this enterprising young man decided to email it out to all of the wedding guests.  And then he brought a copy to a party at their next door neighbor’s house and read it aloud to everyone.  Nice…

So now all the guests are confused and worried and the bride is mortified and the groom is pissed.  What makes it even worse is that the beautiful bride’s parents actually reside here on Vieques as their permanent home.  The groomsman’s behavior was really insulting.

 Unfortunately, instead of smacking the guy, the other groomsmen jumped on board, initially.  By the time the bride called me in tears, the problem had escalated to the point where they were going to start uninviting them to be in the wedding party.  Crisis moment!  Okay, so I did what any good wedding planner would do.  I called each and every one of those guys and gave them the verbal tongue lashing they deserved and would have gotten in person if their mothers had known what they’d been up to.

The result:  Apologies all around.  Written apologies to the bride and groom, and to the bride’s parents who are hosting the event.  Everybody is still in the wedding.  Everybody is still friends.  And if I don’t kill one of them when they’re all here for the wedding, they can all go back home afterward and continue their dysfunctional friendship for another 50 years.

This was an unusual situation.  I’ve never had to call and discipline the wedding party before.  I’ve called to clarify something or to let them know that the couple has a special request, but never to give anybody a lecture or treat them like a naughty child.  I don’t plan to offer this service on a regular basis — it took more out of me than it did them.  But I solved the problem.  The problem could have and should have been headed off months before when that same groomsman did something else that really upset the bride, but at that point the groom wasn’t willing to cut the cord with his buddies yet.  It took this latest escapade to send him over the deep end.

Here’s my best advice to all of my destination wedding clients — don’t tolerate any crap from your wedding party!  They should be honored to be standing up for you on your special day and they should behave like ladies and gentlemen throughout the process.  If somebody starts acting up early on, just cut them loose.  They’re going to get worse before they get better.  Unless it’s your sister or brother, there’s no reason to keep somebody in the wedding party who is bent on destroying the most important day of your lives.

Why do they do it?  For girls, it’s usually about jealousy.  It’s hard to watch your girlfriends get married, especially if you don’t even have a boyfriend.  The bitterness wells up and suddenly perfectly normal friends are being complete bitches.  The groomsmen are jealous too — but they’re usually jealous of the bride who is stealing away their buddy.  So the bride gets it from both side of the wedding party.  Somebody should pick on the groom to make it fair.

So what do you do if somebody gets too far out of line for you to ignore what they’ve done or said?  You wait until a time when you are both sober and calm, and then you have a little talk with them.  Tell them how much you appreciate them and want them to be in your wedding, but you have concerns because of the things they’ve been saying to the other bridesmaids, or the nasty cracks he’s been taking at the bride for no reason, or the fact that he or she has been completely schnockered at every single pre-wedding event you’ve had thus far.  A reasonable person will hear you out, apologize and move on.  A self-centered jerk will argue with you.  You do the math and figure out how long it’s going to be before that person embarrasses you and the one you love yet again under the auspices of being a good wedding attendant.

Until next time, happy wedding planning from Weddings in Vieques!  Have you called me to plan your destination wedding yet?


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