Christmas “Nugget #2” — Don’t Smash the Wedding Cake

Happy Wednesday Everybody!

I’m getting ready to pick up Patty Ahrens and Mike Jazwiecki at the airport for their destination wedding weekend — they’re getting married on Sun Bay this Saturday!  So I only have a quick second to share my December 2nd “nugget” of wisdom — don’t smash the wedding cake!

Listen folks, I’ve seen it done both ways and I’ve done it both ways — learn from my mistake — feed each other bites of cake, kiss the frosting off each other’s lips, smile and pose for pictures.  Don’t behave like teenagers in a food fight.

When Bill and I had our wedding reception in Vieques with 50 wedding guests, we fed each other cake in a nice way, and the pictures looked adorable.  A week later, in front of almost 300 guests at our black-tie reception at the National Press Club, I made a bad decision at the last second and smashed the cake on Bill.  The pictures look terrible and to this day, I regret it.  Thank goodness my new husband was kind enough not to smash it right back at me, which would have destroyed the very expensive makeup job so carefully applied at Elizabeth Arden earlier that day.

Cutting a slice of wedding cake and sharing it is a tradition that has its roots in many places and many cultures.  If you were a bride in the Roman Empire, they would have actually broken an entire cake over your head to symbolize you losing your “virgin” status.  The history of the wedding cake is, in fact, an excellent topic for a future blog.

The smashing of cake in each other’s faces is something that got popular in this century and has no true historical basis that makes it something you must do.  In fact, it’s kind of trashy-looking most of the time.  I’ve seen brides plead with their grooms not to smash them right before the cutting, and then, BAM!  He does it anyway.  Now she’s practically in tears as her makeup is being wiped off onto cocktail napkins and he looks like a jackass.

I’ve seen chocolate frosting smeared all over a white wedding gown when the bride and groom were done with each other — of course, that couple had the DJ play “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” as their cake cutting song so we knew at the outset that it was going to be a messy one.

Look, it’s your wedding and your wedding cake moment.  But how do you want to remember that moment?  Perhaps you want to remember it by the money they deducted from your villa security deposit when they couldn’t get the frosting out of the rug you mooshed it into when you were drunkenly smearing each other with cake?

Or maybe you want to remember it with nearly pornographic video footage of you licking your new husband’s face with your ass on the cake table while your grandmother watched.  That’s your call, really.  And I have seen ALL of those things happen at different weddings I’ve planned.  I don’t know if those brides have regrets — it’s not the kind of question that I ask happy former clients.  But I know I regret smashing Bill on the night of our reception in DC.

Whatever you’re going to do, discuss it with your fiance in advance so nobody is surprised.  If it’s going to get messy, warn your wedding planner so she can have the extra towel and Shout wipes in hand right away.  And if you simply cut and eat the cake together, you’ll have just as much fun.

Until next time, happy wedding planning from Weddings in Vieques and Weddings in Culebra.


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