Today’s blog comes straight from my darling husband. Bill actually reads my blog, and yesterday he asked me if I was going to say anything about the groom. I suggested that he write a blog entry. When he finished laughing, he suggested that I pop out a quick Christmas nugget of advice to all of the brides out there from him. Bill says it’s a good thing to let the groom have his say and actually consider his opinion during the wedding planning process. Because Bill says that if a groom really expresses a serious opinion, then it’s probably something that really matters to him.
Most of my communication with clients is directly with the brides, although there have been some exceptions to that rule. One client my first year, Greg, used to call just to check in with me and say hello. Being used to only receiving calls from grumpy grooms who think they’re going to be the hammer, Greg was a refreshing change of pace and I came to like him very much.
But for the most part, grooms participate in a few conference calls and depending on the groom, some are actually engaged and paying attention while others are clearly watching the football game on mute in the background. I let the bride figure out how much to involve her future mate because she knows him far better than I do.
If your groom doesn’t have many strong opinions about your wedding plans, then you can go ahead and plan your wedding with impunity. You can have the flowers you want and the colors you want and everything else you want as long as you don’t blow your budget. If a groom is going to have an opinion on anything other than the budget, the groom usually wants a say in the food, the liquor and the music.
This is the deal — if your fiance only has one or two strong opinions about wedding plans, let him have his way if it’s possible. If he’s requesting a big screen TV in the villa during the reception for a football game, you can tell him where to shove it. But if he really cares whether you use a band or a DJ, you should listen to his ideas and make a decision together. You should both look at the catering menus and choose what makes you both say “YUM!” But if you have very different taste in food, you should both look at the menus and then come to a nice compromise (you each choose three of the passed appetizers, for example).
Some brides are like a runaway train once they start the planning — and to a groom who really wants to get involved, I think they feel a little bit like they’re on the top of the train, holding on for dear life while you barrel down the track at 100 mph. Let them have a say and hear their opinion and discuss whatever it is together and come to a compromise. The fact of the matter is that he’s going to lose interest in the planning eventually.
When you are making seating charts or filling out a welcome bag delivery list or gluing seashells to your placecards, he’s not going to want to do it with you unless you make him do it. I’m sure he has better things to do. If you let him get his two cents worth in from the beginning so that he feels like he’s the one who made some of the decisions, when it comes down to the final important stuff, he won’t care anymore. Remember, the groom’s attention for wedding details doesn’t often last beyond the commercial break in the game.
Until next time, happy wedding planning from Weddings in Vieques and Weddings in Culebra!