Don’t Let Destination Wedding Planning Stress You Out — 10 Funny Wedding Jokes to Give you a Chuckle
Hello Readers!
I got so many emails from clients teasing me about my bad joke at the end of the last email that I was inspired to do a Top 10 wedding jokes to keep tonight’s entry short and sweet. It’s late and I’m still in my office. Unfortunately, when I started surfing the web, I found that most jokes are about marriage and they’re not flattering about the institution. The about weddings are usually dirty. Not exactly what I had in mind. So I had to do a lot more research and call my cousin Traci again in order to come up with 10 jokes about weddings that are in the right spirit of wedding planning. I tried to find 10 that weren’t completely tasteless too. A few of them are actually funny, although I’m pretty sure this doesn’t qualify as a bona fide top ten list. Here we go:
1) Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cantelope? Cantelope who?
Can’t elope because my parents have already planned the wedding! (this one was from my six-year-old cousin’s joke book again — thank you Alexandra!)
2) A little boy was in a relative’s wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride’s side and groom’s side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar loudly. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR all the way down the aisle.
As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the front. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was near tears himself by the time he reached the pulpit.
When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, “I was being the Ring Bear.”
3) Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, “I think I’m going to have a whisk.”
The groom broom says, “How can that be possible? We haven’t even swept together!”
4) A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, ”How was the honeymoon?”
”Oh, mama,” she replied, ”the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic…”
Suddenly, she burst out crying. “But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language… things I’d never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You’ve got to come get me and take me home…. Please mama!”
”Sarah,” her mother said, ”calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?”
”Please don’t make me tell you, mama,” wept the daughter, ”I’m so embarrassed, they’re just too awful! Come get me, please!”
”Darling, you must tell me what has you so upset…. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!”
Still sobbing, the bride said, ”Oh, mama…words like DUST, WASH, IRON, COOK…!”
5) Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it’s good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
6) Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
7) A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, “mommy, why does the girl wear white?” his mom replies, “the bride is in white because she’s happy and this is the happiest day of her life.” the boys thinks about this, and then says, “well then, why is the boy wearing black…”
8) A little girl was at a wedding with her parents. After the wedding, she asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. “What do you mean?” responded her mother. “Well, she went down the aisle with one man and came back with another.”
9) During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer: “Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I’m supposed to promise to love, honor, obey and be faithful to her forever, I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out.
He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom’s vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said: “Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?”
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, “Yes”, then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: “I thought we had a deal!”
The pastor put a $100 bill into the grooms hand and whispered: “She made me a better offer.”
10) If your wife laughs at your joke, it means you either have a good joke, or a good wife.
Okay, I know… most of them were pretty lame. I promise the next blog will be better. 
Until next time, happy wedding planning from Weddings in Vieques and Weddings in Culebra! And remember, no matter how stressed-out you get to keep your sense of humor.
Sandy