Top 10 Dumbest Things I’ve Ever Seen Done at a Caribbean Destination Wedding in Vieques or Culebra
Happy New Year!
And congratulations to all of the new brides-to-be who became engaged last night. And congratulations to their fiances, the brave young men who actually had the nerve to take the rings out of their pockets and ask the big question. New Year’s Eve is one of THE most popular holidays for couples to become engaged. The only official holiday more popular than New Year’s Eve is Valentine’s Day. So I’m going to be very, very busy for the next two months talking to newly engaged brides and grooms who are considering destination weddings. And that usually means that I don’t have time to blog and once I start skipping days, it gets easy to skip even more. So I’m going to make a big commitment here today — let’s call it my public New Year’s resolution — I’m going to blog every day of January. And if you’re a regular reader, you know I love Top Tens. So, in honor of 2010, I’m going to post a new Top Ten every single day. I know, I know… I shouldn’t make promises that I can’t keep. But I’m going to give it my best shot!
And because we want to start out the New Year laughing, let’s start with a very funny top 10 theme — the 10 dumbest things I’ve ever seen or heard at a wedding I’ve planned (in no particular order):
1) The groom who wouldn’t put his pants on. No, you didn’t misread this. He wouldn’t put his pants on. He and his groomsmen arrived at the beach and did an interesting pagan ritual on the beach pre-ceremony. Then they got dressed. All except for the groom who was standing on a rock — Karate Kid-style — throwing rocks into the Caribbean and chanting. And the guests started arriving. Then the bridal party arrived. The groom and his boys were in a circle chanting again and I couldn’t get him to put his pants on. I’m not kidding. The bride went down the aisle 40 minutes late because the groom wouldn’t put his pants on.
2) The wedding guest who ate a piece of roasted pig at the beach party and then asked me “is this pork?” Her husband leaned over and said, by way of explanation, “she’s Kosher.” Oh well, that certainly explains it.
3) The wedding guest who asked me where the bathroom was at a beach party. I told her she could drive to the public restrooms or just pee in the water (stop making a face — like you don’t pee in the water too… whatever). She said she couldn’t go swimming because she had her diamonds on, flashing a huge engagement ring at me. I told her not to worry because I wear my diamonds in the water all the time. Her response — “Yes, but MY diamonds are big.” OMG
4) The groom who wanted a snack before he went down the aisle. The guests have arrived. The photographer is snapping pictures. Everybody is ready to roll and the bride is about to arrive and the groom “needed” a snack. He was absolutely panicky about it. He is 40 years old and he is not diabetic. So WTF???
5) The bride who wanted to arrive at her wedding on horseback, and then showed up in the ceremony with a mermaid-style wedding gown that barely let her separate her legs by an inch so she couldn’t get in the saddle. In fact, she couldn’t get on the horse at all so they just led it away down the beach. And then the horse stepped on her wedding gown. And she started to scream. LOL. We have it on video.
6) The bride who insisted on using a paper runner down the aisle at a beach ceremony. It was windy. The groomsmen had to pin it down with sand. Then the bride arrived in stiletto heels at the beach and wouldn’t take them off. She insisted on walking down a paper aisle on sand in stiletto heels. Just take a moment to picture that. Now add the sound effects of her yanking her foot out of the paper runner every single step. Hilarious.
7) Getting married at noon in the Caribbean and trying to force your adult wedding guests to play lawn games. Need I say more?
The bride who wrote all of her placecards on the wrong side of the card. She’d bought these beautiful cards with yellow flocking on one side. She wrote all the names on the white side of the card. When she saw the way I’d set them up on the table, white side up with the names showing, displayed in alphabetical order, she freaked out! I had to explain that the placecard table is supposed to give direction, not be a memory game. The cards had to be displayed name-side up. She got hysterical and her mother started screaming at me. I rewrote them all before any of the guests saw the table, and then the MoB stuffed a $100 bill in my hand and apologized for screaming when she arrived at the reception. I wanted to tell her where to stuff her money…. grrr.
9) The cokehead wedding guest who locked herself in one of the powder rooms at the venue for the vast majority of the wedding reception and wouldn’t come out when the event was over and the maid arrived to clean the bathrooms. We had to break in there with a butter knife, and she was pissed we interrupted her!
10) And finally, if you’ve been reading my blog for very long, you had to see this one coming… The all-time dumbest thing I have ever seen was the drunk bride who knocked herself unconscious by walking full-speed into a concrete wall at her own welcome party.
Hasta manana! I’ll be back with more Top Tens for you! Happy New Year and happy wedding planning from Weddings in Vieques and Weddings in Culebra.
Sandy